Flippant Friar Doorstop
Greetings, young rapscallion. If you're not here to rob me then I have something to offer you. I call it the Flippant Friar: a doorstop named for a rebellious French monk. It's said that he once whipped out his johnson in defiance after he was caught sleeping in a sermon on chastity. He was known for sharing carnal whispers with nuns, sticking out his tongue, and making brown on sacred ground.
This wicked work was cast directly from a French antique in solid, heavyweight iron. It's nine pounds, over a foot tall, and features a handle for mobility.
6½" W x 3" D x 14½" H. 9 lbs. Available only in the continental US. Usually ships within 3 business days.